i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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