You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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