He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
