tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
