When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
