Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
