I wish I could teleport
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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