He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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