Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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