also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
