Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
