Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
