i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
