I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
