We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
