If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
