One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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