I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
