I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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