based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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