She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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