You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
