My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
