True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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