How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
