atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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