HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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