She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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