cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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