I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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