So drunk its hurt
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
