gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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