my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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