Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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