My brain says no but my pants say off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
