Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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