I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
