I got chris browned last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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