the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm always down for nudity.
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