You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
