he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize