I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
