Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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