he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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