i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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