He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
