He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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