i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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