remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
