I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
