I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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