Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
