Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
