first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
