I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
