We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize