Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
