The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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