no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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