my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize