I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
