Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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