I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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