i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
