I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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