the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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