Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
bring money and cleavage
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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