WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
