I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
