i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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