I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
