so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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