We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
