In the future we'll all be gay
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
