Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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