level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
