It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
