Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
