I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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